Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
