He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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