We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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