butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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