I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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