I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize