i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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