You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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