How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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