I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
