Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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