Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
