Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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