Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
