according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
