Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
