If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
