i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
