Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
