He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just gargled with NyQuil
You ate ashes out of my bong
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
