TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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