I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he fucked my hip out of place.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
