so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
