i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
