maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
