I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
