Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
