So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
