Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we're making bets on your personal life
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is my gift to your gina
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you never un-have a 4some
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
