come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
