What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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