brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
