apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I want her autograph on my taint
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
