College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the liver wants what the liver wants
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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