My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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