You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Send help, water and tortillas.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
