I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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