I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
