I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
