He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
