At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
