she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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