Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize