In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
