and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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