Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
