What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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