too bad you live with your parents still
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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