It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
