I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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