I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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