so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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