...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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