The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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