Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm both gender and math confused
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
