he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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