ya dads aren't the best wingmen
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
