we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
