I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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