4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
