Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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