After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
