You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I got chris browned last night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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