Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
